Finding Me.
Chapter 1
By: Breann Wathen
Why? My everyday question. I stare into the mirror at my face. Such dark features. All I ever do is hide under all the makeup. It never works. For some reason everyone sees the real me. I hate it. I don’t wanna share my feelings, discuss them, or even think about them. But it’s terribly hard when you are crushing really bad on a boy. His name is Ian Michael Towns. Greatest guy ever. Why can’t I ever let him know how much I care? I don’t wanna come off stalker-ish or just pop outta my shell. I like my shell. Everything I need and want is in there. No need or rush to finally “burst out with color”! Ugh. Well the school bus arrives in seven minutes and I still need to get ready. Hell, if it’s not ironed, oh well. I scan my closet for something. No time. A My Chemical Romance tank, Trips black faded skinny jeans and my flaming hot red Converse. Not forgetting to add my lace choker I made myself and my skull ring. Being Goth rules. Grabbing my checkered Dickies backpack, I tip-toed down the steps so my mom wouldn’t throw a bitch fit. I successfully slid through the door and walked down to the bus stop.
That annoying 6th grader, Johnny Harrison just had to be there. He was usually always sick or someone was always dieing. I don’t even wanna know. Then there was Malory Kinderson. She was cool except the fact that she carries around a bottle of pills and pops one in between her glossy lips every hour or so. I always meant to ask what they were for but right now it doesn’t matter.
“Good morning Valerie!” Malory put her bangle filled arm around me.
“Hey.” I hoarsely replied.“So have you told Ian anything yet?” She winked her eye. She had pink eyeliner and some kind of glittery eye shadow to balanced well with her pastel skin tone.
“No!” I shrugged her arm off of me and blushed a little. I shifted my raven bangs over my cheek so she couldn’t see. Never gonna come outta my shell.
“Well, do something quick girl because I see Chelsea Sanchez eyeing him everyday.” Malory popped a piece of 5 gum in her mouth and smacked quietly.
“What am I supposed to do?!” I yelped. I quickly covered my mouth. The bus arrived just in time. I stepped up slowly and looked back at Malory. She was smiling from ear to ear. I sat in the 4th empty seat and Malory got all close to me. All I could smell was her Bath & Body Works Pink Grapefruit body mist.
“What should you do?! Ask him out! You’ve been crushing on him since the 3rd grade! We’re in the 9th grade! ” Malory was waving her arms around everywhere. Just so happens that Ian’s best friend, Chad was right behind us taking notes with his mind. Why does everyone have to know?!
“Ooo! Valerie has a crush on Ian!” Chad stood up and pointed his fingers at my head. I sunk down and covered my ears from all the “Oh my gosh!” and “Eww” and “Aww!”. Even Malory joined in and poked me. I sat in misery for 12 minutes. The bus came to a halt and the doors creaked open. One by one we got off. I sulked to the doors of school as kids looked at me and laughed. I finally got to my locker when Ian walked by and flashed me a smile. I smiled back and scrolled through the numbers on the lock. Only to notice to look down and see that I had cleavage! Damn puberty! Then everyone started to notice my boobs. I scrambled through my locker for a hoodie but no luck. I just grabbed all my books and held them closely to my chest. I love My Chemical Romance but this tank top was just not working. I scurried to 1st period only to not notice Ian and bumped into him. Just my freaking luck. I bended over to pick up a few books and he mimicked my moves. He was trying so hard to look into my eyes but the “girls” got in the way. He shook his brunette scruffy polished hair.
“Sorry about that Ian.” I started to blush again. No! I can’t come outta my shell now!
“No prob!” He handed me my notebook and a paper fell out. He picked it up and read it.
“Ian and Valerie 4 Ever?” He looked at me! Oh my gosh! I got even rosier! He laughed awkwardly and placed it on my pile.
“See you later, Valerie!” He winked his emerald green eye at me. I almost fainted but more things were important. I’m so going to be all pretty girl instead of Goth. I might just die. While on my trip to 1st period, I got even more looks from guys. I felt wanted but in a good way. I think I might like puberty now. I slightly slipped in Mr. Bishop’s classroom and sat in my assigned seat. Jenny was texting her boyfriend, Daniel.
“Hey Jenny! Notice anything different?” I poked my c-cups out a little.
“Oh my gosh! You finally got your nose pierced?! Just kidding. Ohh, nice rack.” She nudged my side and I giggled. My Goth-ness is slipping away.
“Plus I heard about you and Ian! Tell me everything because I want the whole truth and nothing but the truth!” Jenny hopped over a seat to get closer.
“Well Malory told the whole bus and they made their share of fun. Then at my locker, Ian walked by and smiled but then I noticed my boobs were out and I looked for a hoodie but no luck.” I paused every three seconds cause Jenny’s phone keep vibrating.
“Go on! I can text him after lunch.” Jenny turned her phone off. That’s a first.
“But then I bumped into him, dropped my books and he helped me pick them up. Of course my boobs were hanging out and he stared but he shook out his trance. This random paper with our names on it fell out and he read it, laughed awkwardly and winked at me.” I talked so fast I was outta breath. Jenny was cracking up. I looked at her puzzled. What had to be so damn funny?
“You’re crazy.” Jenny held her sides and pointed behind me. I turned around and Ian was still flashing that ever so great smile. Here I go again, with the whole blushing thing.
“What are you doing here?” I giggle with a fake smile, knowingthat inside, my heart was racing.
“I got transferred. Apparently, I’m smarter than Mrs. Yield.” He snickered.
“Oh, well good luck because Mr. Bishop is a hard ass.” I turned back around and gave Jenny my “you should have warned me earlier” look. She replied with a “oh well, you talked to him!” look. The school bell rang and announcements came on. Hearing Mr. Dowel’s voice in monotone was like mini daggers driven into my earlobes. Yeah, I know, that was graphic.
“Ok class, open your books to page 463 and begin to read the story and answer questions #1-16 in complete sentences.” Mr. Bishop was writing on the white board. I grabbed under my desk to get my book but I left it in my locker while I was freaking out. I looked at Jenny but she was just texting Jay, well I think that’s his name. Well, I was just gonna sit there and look around but Ian tapped my shoulder.
“Here.” He handed me his book.
“Oh thanks but I can just sit here and do nothing.” Blushing again.
“Ok then, we can share.” He altered his bangs over his gray eye.
“Sure.” I panicked.
“Well, scoot closer. We’re like 3 feet away.” Ian chuckled. Mr. Bishop gave him a dirty look.
“Well, get started.” Mr. Bishop took a long sip from his steaming coffee mug. It said “I’m 40 and loving it” That couldn’t be true. Mr. Bishop looked like he could be George Washington’s cousin.
“Ok, page 463 do do de do…” Ian was skimming the pages. Oh, why was he so attractive?
“The Baker Mysteries.” Ian mumbled.
“Is it about a secret recipe we’ll never know?” I punched his arm softly.
“Sounds like it but no. It’s this really weird family that disappears two days after moving in.” Ian punched my arm and chuckled.
“You’ve read it before?”
“Fifth grade book report. It’ll be a breeze to answer this questions.” Ian flipped right to the questions and ripped a piece of paper from his notebook.
“I’ll do all the work, just look like your doing something.” Ian jolted down all the answers. I was amazed. Time flew by and finally the bell rang.
“Ok, turn your papers into this stack as you exit the classroom.” Mr. Bishop had his head buried in some cheesy romance novel. Ian tapped me on my bare shoulder. His touch was like something magical and short, but I think it meant something.
“Hey, Valerie!” Ian was right behind me with that smile again. Does he wanna hang out? Does he wanna be my boyfriend? Does he wanna make out? So many questions.
“You forgot your notebook.” He handed it to me and gave me a salute. Am I disappointed? Yes, very. I jogged to catch up with Jenny, trying not to make my boobs bounce.
“Well, I’m off to the bathroom.” Jenny whispered.
“Why?”
“Well, Hank is walking down the hallway and I don’t wanna run into him.” Jenny gave me a disgusted look and walked off. Hank was her ex-boyfriend. He kinda acted like a whore. He always tried to get noticed by the other gender, broke up with Jenny seven times, and even talked bad about her behind her back. Ugh, he was just horrible. I wonder if Ian would act like that? Nevermind, he’s just to perfect. Second period was oh so boring and ditto for third. The only exciting thing that happened was that Jack Conway took two beakers and smashed them. For no reason really. Well, he got a detention and called Mrs. Hay a bitch under his breath. Walking to 4th period, I saw Jenny crying at my locker. I walked over and put on my “I care, really.” face because I really I do.
“Jenny, what’s going on?”
“Hank, Hank, Hank…” was all she can say.
“What the hell did he do this time?”
“Hank…he keeps telling everyone that we had sex and he did me good. That he just planted his seed and left it to grow. And even keeps mentioning that I’m easy. Everyone believes it. Do you?” Jenny had mascara running down her cheeks.
“Ugh, He’s such a dick!” I threw my books on the ground. “I know.” She slid her palms across her face and wiped them on her skirt.
“I mean, he should just fall in a hole and never come back.” I hit my head on the locker and made a loud smack. Jenny snickered and I yelped and rubbed my head.
“Well, I guess I’ll go to class.” Jenny stood up and looked down the halls. Everyone was gone. I stood up and walked down to Mrs. Hue’s classroom. Big shock, Malory was in front of the room giving some kind of presentation about “saying no to drugs” and all that shit. She gave a creepy “sit the hell down” smile/look. I slid into my seat and Mrs. Hue wasn’t even paying attention. She has OCD so she just kept rearranging things on her desk and talking quietly to herself. She just weirds me out.
“Now I think that I’m aware that all you guys and gals know about sex?” Malory shouted over all the talking. Everyone silenced.
“I do! I do!” Jamie raised her hand and yelped.
“Well, what is it? What is sex?” Malory pointed her French manicured finger on Jamie and gestured her to go on.
“Well sex is…” Jamie started but some of these boys in the back were laughing. Jamie turned around and stuck her tongue out at them.
“Sex is the act of pleasure between a man and woman.” This one gay guy, Mitchell cleared his throat.
“Okay, well anyone.” Jamie gave him a ‘are you satisfied?’ look.
“This can lead to pregnancy or some kind of sexual transmitted disease as known as STD if you don’t use protection.” Jamie had a smirk on her face and leaned back.
“Okay, did everyone hear her?” Mrs. Hue screeched.
“What? Listen to who?” Billy was digging in his ear, just to get laughs from his crew.
“Just never mind. If you get someone pregnant or get a STD oh freaking well!” Malory stormed out the room. She gets really pissed if you never listen to her. I learned that the hard way. I peeked through the door and saw Malory sitting next to the counselors’ office, Mrs. Norman. She popped two pills in her mouth and walked into her room. Well, that’s two friends in need. Jenny ran to me in the hallway on the way to lunch.
“Ekk! Me and Daniel are going out Saturday to the movies! Fingers crossed that I’ll get that kiss I have always wanted!” Jenny couldn’t stop smiling and jumping up and down.
“You haven’t kissed him yet?”
“No, we’ve only been together since the 7th grade.”
“That’s like…” I counted on my fingers. ”2 years?! Wowzya, you’ve been really patient for it.”
“Yeah, I know and I’m gonna wear the cutest dress ever! You have to come over today to help my decide!” Jenny was clapping her hands. Mark Wister and his super bitchy girlfriend Shelia gave us some weird looks.
“Well the date isn’t till Saturday and it’s Tuesday.” I rolled my eyes and walked into the cafeteria. I strolled down the long ass line just to get some gross crud. I saw Ian and he smiled at me again. My knees felt wobbly. I smiled back and got some milk. I bum rushed to the table with Jenny, Hilary and Kayla. They were all cool to my standards.
“Hey ya girls!” I put my hair in a ponytail.
“Hi.” Hilary poked at her macaroni and cheese or spinach, I have no clue.
“Wazz up!” Kayla giggled.
“So tell them all about Ian.” Jenny leaned in and stared.
“Ian Towns? Hockey hottie Ian Towns? 3.8 grade average Ian Towns?” Kayla dropped her gummy worms on the table.
“Well yeah. I like him but I don’t know if he likes me.” I blush again.
“Valerie Kelsey Gregory! He is so in love with you. Gosh, like how did you not know?” Jenny sipped on her Mountain Dew.
“Ohmygosh! I mean, really?” I felt tears well up in my eyes. I tried so hard to hold them back. Tears of joy.
“Yah, it’s like so obvious that he like loves you.” Jenny plopped her head into her hands.
“Well you better go get him.” Hilary poked my side.
“Ditto on that one. I mean, he’s hella hawt and some other girl or Mitchell will be on him in two seconds.” Kayla was putting on more lip gloss.
“Well, I’ll wait till next week…” I crossed my legs and played with my hole in my jeans.
“So you can see another girl in his toned arms?” All the girls shouted in unison.
“No, you guys just wait and see. I got a plan to make him mine.” I had a devilish smirk on my face.
“Dish!” in unison again.
“No. You will never know.” The lunch bell rang and I rushed to the trash to throw away my untouched food. I just lied. I have no plan. What the hell am I gonna do?
* I know I'm gonna finish this! I absolutely love it! :D Thoughts? Comments?*
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