Shame on You and ME 1 REDO.

ok so i decided to make this a smosh fanfic. call it whatchu want.


Shame on Me & You.
Chapter 1
Breann Wathen

“Okay, now whack the ball!” Nathan had his lean arms around my slender shoulders. Today was the day I had to do something he enjoys since we went to the spa and Woodcrest Mall yesterday. As I swung the club, the ball soared, touching the brim of the wonderful afternoon sky.

“Whoa! Nice job! Better than those last club-to-shin swings.” He pulled me in for a celebratory kiss. He tasted of Budweiser beer since he tossed a couple back with his buds at lunch.
“Why, thank you.” I moved out of his grasp to do a glamorous curtsey. My “golfer chic” outfit consisted of a light pink polo, short white skirt, and a white visor.

“Now, who wants to head to ’Mr. Dawson’s Dolls’?” Nathan put on a playful grin. No way could he be serious. I’m not stepping into a sleazy strip club. They’re only filled with lonely desperate husbands ranking in a big salary & high school drop out mothers.

“Never.” I stood ground.
“Fine, let’s go to Scott’s to catch the rest of this Miami Heat game.” Nathan held up his hands in defense as he bumped into the hood of the car.
“Okay, but I need to run home real quick so I can feed Mossy.” I pulled open the door while fidgeting with my itchy bra strap.

Mossy is my dog I love (maybe more than Nathan or Ian). You may want to know who Ian is. Well he is this guy who works at Plenty Superstore with me. While I work the register, he maybe doing some work or goofing around on those scooter carts. I’m really surprised he still has a job there. Sometimes he’ll put the customer’s items into bags only at my register or empty out my trash bin, occasionally brushing his hand across my butt with a sleek grin on his face. He’s very nice and funny and cute but I’m already in a relationship.

I snap back to reality and realize we’re at the apartment. As I reach for the door handle, Nathan taps my shoulder.

“Hey babe, could ya grab my charger & a six pack?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks.” I closed the door and blew him a quick kiss. It was so cute when he pretended he lost it and asked for another one. I pull open the car door (cause I’m a sucker) and kiss him lightly. While my booty was in the air, another car pulls into the parking spot beside us and blows their horn. I hit my elbow in the dashboard trying to sit in the passenger seat. I hear Nathan chuckling and as I turn my head around slowly, I see the two bastards. Chuck and Jett were giving thumbs up and laughing along. I step out the car, smoothing out my skirt and kicking their tire.

The rusty old hubcap pops off and does multiple spins. Chuck struggled to roll down his window.

“Now we gotta go get some Gorilla Glue!” He poked his head out of the with a patchy beard. He had a stocky face, a small gold hoop, a minor bruise above his eyebrow (maybe from a drunk bar fight), and a dirty ‘Dixie Girls’ trucker hat. While tossing my hair and winking at him, I opened the building door. As jogged up the stairs, I heard a constant jingling followed by someone clearing their throat. It was Mrs. Gregory. She was waving at me to come see. I quickly stomped the stairs and was face to face with her.

“Yes ma‘m?” Now I’m kind of annoyed.
“Could ya open this door and carry groceries in? My arthritis is kicking in. Damn it!” Mrs. Gregory is lucky that she’s a cute old lady.
“Of course.” As I turned the door key and pushed the door open. I was in shock, the whole apartment was empty.
“Just set them on the counter, baby.”

I walked over to the counter, the cold AC air hitting my freshly ‘Nair-ed’ legs.


“Uh, Mrs. Gregory, what happened to everything?” The whole apartment was stripped. There stood an end table, lamp, TV tray, small television and some rickety chair. The paint on the walls had faded. I couldn’t believe she was living like this.


“Amber, can you stick my meds and milk in the fridge?” Mrs. Gregory was placing her purse on the counter next to me.

“Mrs. Gregory, what happened to everything in here?” I pulled open the fridge, my light bulb blinking and the smell of rotting roast beef smacked me in the face. I hurried and turned back to her, waiting for an answer.

“What did you say honey?” She looked at me, heading shaking. Her sliver bob hanging underneath the brim of the sharp chin. She grossly licked her lips.

“What happened to everything?” I followed her eyes that were traveling down to my skirt.

“Where in the heavens did you buy this?! Girls shouldn’t be wearing things like this! This is why your baloney hangs out and you wonder why Steven hasn’t called back yet! You wear the frills, they get the thrills then you end up with the bills!” Mrs. Gregory was tugging on my skirt and babbling on and on. Eventually she calmed down.

“Did you hear that honey?” Mrs. Gregory was sipping her hot tea.
“Hear what?” This woman was mentally insane.
“That beeping noise.” I started to hear it. Oh shazz, it was Nathan.
“I gotta go Mrs. Gregory!” I grabbed my keys and bust through the door. I peeped through the building door and gave Nathan the “one more minute” sign. He hit the horn two more times. I bounced up the stairs. Being in apartment 3B was never satisfying. Mossy jumped up at my legs, barking.

“Hey girl. Mommy gots to get some things really quick, kay?” She ran over to the rack were I keep her leash. I chuckled at her and ran to our bedroom. I was rumbling around in Nathan’s nightstand. Old watches, no-good lottery tickets, and a condom box? Whoa, Nathan and I haven’t really gotten to that level. I love him, he loves me, but I still need like another, month or so. Well maybe he’s preparing and all. I snapped back into reality and found the charger.

“Does the Mossy have food in her bowl?” I checked since I got no answer. I poured her some fresh water, blew a kiss and ran out the door. When I got back to the car, Nathan was signaling me to get in.

“What took you so long?” He put the car in reverse and backed out the tiny spot.
“You know Mrs. Gregory and the constant babbling. Plus she had groceries this time.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Those bags must have held a million tomatoes. Too much for your little dainty arms to handle.” Nathan was flicking his wrist and whining.
“Whatever.” After that long 16 minutes, we finally arrived at Scott’s house. As usual, there were red tumbler cups scattered around the yard. Scott was doing what he does best, talking it up with the ladies. (More like women that were there against their will)
“Scott! My main man!” Nathan slammed the door and started doing that whooping noise guys do. Ugh. I stepped through the half-dead yard, trying to make it safely to the house. I walked causally in the house, making sure I didn’t wake anyone, because everyone at this residence wakes up at about, 3 .p.m.
“Hey Cindy!” Freddy was stretched out across the couch, beer in one hand, cheese puff in the other.
“It’s Amber.” I waved back and looked for another chair.
“Hey, gimme another beer, Brenda.” Freddy threw his finger in the air, pointing towards the mini-fridge in the corner.
“It’s Martha. You got some damn legs, now git it yourself.” Martha screeched back at him.
“Hey honey, I’m Martha.” She got up and stretched her arm to me. She had a pretty complexion and a nice manicure.
“I’m…”
“Amber. See I remember names better than this old coot.” She hooked her thumb over her shoulder. Freddy snorted and dug his hand further in his belly button. She sat down at the table with me.
“How did you end up here? You seem like such a nice girl. You’re not here for that funny feeling plant, are you? You know that stuff messes with your brain and can turn your hair gray? I had this one friend, well I wouldn’t call her a friend since she wanted me to take her to buy the stuff, but she lost her kids and her job. It ruins ya.”
“To answer that first question, my boyfriend is good friends with Scott. And no.” I laughed.
“Oh, Nathan?”
“Yeah, him.”
“Oh… well I’m Scott’s aunt. Just visiting to make sure he’s not getting into
Trouble and things. I’ve had custody of him since he was eleven. He’s been through and seen a lot. Poor thing. It’s great to see he’s doing fine.” Martha wipes a tear from her eye.  Her foundation smears and she wipes it on her pants.
“Wow. I never knew. I guess only they tell the guys cause Nathan never mentioned anything to me.”
“Yeah, that’s their ‘Nye code’ or something. So tell me more about yourself girl. Don’t be shy ‘round me, I’ll bring the wild side outta ya!” Martha started to swing her arm around her head like a t-shirt.
A golden locket was jumping around her freckled chest. It really caught my eye, to the point I had my eyes glued to her chest. Leaning in so close, I almost tipped over in my chair.
“Ya alright honey? My eyes are up here.” Martha began to giggle.
“I’m so sorry. It’s that locket around your necklace. It’s…something I’ve never seen before.”
“Yeah. At your age, there’s a bunch of things you haven’t seen. Lucky you. Anyways, this was my great-grandmother’s. I knew her for a short time, but before God called on her, she handed me this and said, “Darling, ya know I love ya, but keep this near and dear to your heart. Ya hear?” After that, the flat line filled my ears.” Martha held a humble grin on her face.
“Wow. I’m sorry.“ I averted my eyes to focus on something else in the room, something to keep the tears from coming. Her stories really touch me, even though she didn’t tell me in deep detail.
“It’s alright, hon.  It’s nice that I’m entertaining ya. Rather than that devil box over there.” She turned her head to look at Freddy again. The bright lights from the TV were flashing across his face.
“There’s that blank look again.  35th time today and it’s only 5.” Martha examined her watch.
“5 o’clock?” Oh shazz. I had to be out at Chelsea’s house by 5:45. It’s her birthday and she’s like an hour away from here!
“I’m so sorry Martha but I gotta go. Have a good night.”
“Alright hon. Don’t mess with that funny feeling plant, ya hear?!” Martha slid a cigarette from her bra. I raced to the door and grabbed Nathan by his sleeve.
“We gotta go. Chelsea’s having a party and I promised I would be there by 6.” I harshly whispered in his ear.
“It’s only…oh sh-You know Chelsea. Hold on a minute.” Nathan said his goodbyes to the crew and fumbled for his car keys.
“When does your car get out the shop?  ‘Cause this is ridiculous.” Nathan was huffing and puffing putting the car in drive.
“Hopefully this Thursday, no later than Saturday.” I was reapplying mascara in the tiny visor mirror.
“Hmm. Well close your mouth doing that.” Nathan snickered to himself.
“Don’t mess with me, I’ll catch your ass off guard and make a move.” I was putting the wand back in the container.
“Why do you even spend 8 dollars on that crap if you look the same? Pretty pointless, pricy too.”
“Pretty, yes. Pointless, nugatory.” I searched through my huge bag looking for my lip gloss.
“And that big bag. Pointless also.”
“You know what?” I shifted in my tight seat belt towards him.
“You shut up and drive the car. This was all fun and games 3 minutes ago but now you just pushed the limit.” I turned back around the swiped the gloss around my lips, making weird face to get every cranny to piss him off.
“Plus your eyes are supposed to be on the road, not on me.”
“You know I ca-”
“Let me stop you there. Don’t try to pull any smooth tricks out your butt.” My comment had to be the end because he just turned up the radio and rode in silence.

It’s not that I’m being the bad guy, he never should have had said anything. Ian is just so more understanding and borderline amazing.  Well, I’ll be back to work tomorrow so I don’t have to spend the whole day with him. To be honest, I’m second guessing this. This thing we call a relationship. But I’ll try to keep it, just to see what happens. What the worst thing that can happen? He’ll cheat on me and I’ll be heartbroken? Pshh.